HUR.RAY
        a play
                in one act 

        by
                        martin
                          fehebiel

(A wooden boat hangs above the stage. Sandy beach below. Super Stout 
Hairy Pete, a tall, bald woman, upper half visible and nude over edge of 
boat, prods at invisible objects with the pole end of an oar, paddle 
above her shoulder. Lensman sits on the beach below, next to a diving 
bell and wearing a pressurized diving suit sans helmet.)

Super Stout Hairy Pete: (with certainty) THERE APPEARS TO BE A PROBLEM

(Lensman slowly lays back on the sand to look up at the boat, then turns 
his head to face the audience, still reclined)

Lensman: I'm having a wonderful time.

Super Stout Hairy Pete: (gaze cast skyward, dropping the oar, arms 
crossing her chest to cover her breasts) I call upon the Gods, in their 
wisdom, to deliver me from this languid cradle of filth in which I 
suspend my beliefs!

(Super Stout Hairy Pete produces a dixie cup, after significant 
straining and effort, and begins scooping snow out of the boat and 
raining it down on Lensman, below. Lensman smiles, stands, and walks to 
the diving bell. Opening the door to release a humanoid penguin, Samuel, 
Lensman smiles and sits down.)

Lensman: I'm having a wonderful time.

(Samuel, penguin, waddles to downstage center. He spreads his flippers 
and raises his beak to the sky. Super Stout Hairy Pete continues to 
distribute snow.)

Samuel: (resonating with drawn-out syllables) VIOLENCE!

(curtain slowly falls behind Samuel, lights drop, Samuel exits stage)